Embracing The Single Life…For Now

The last few weeks have been extremely busy.  I run an annual event and it took place last weekend.  The last minute planning and the actual event have taken up much of my time and I’m happy that it’s over so I can take a break for a few months before planning begins for next year.  To fill in the little free time, I’ve been enjoying the single life.  I’ve enjoyed spending time with the submissive who inspired me to start blogging (Let’s call her Indie from now on.  Her blog is at http://theindependentsubmissive.tumblr.com/).  We’ve had a few meals and gone to the dungeon a few times.  I’ve picked up on her not-so-subtle hints that she’s becoming more attached and she’s offered little things here and there, such as wearing my favorite color, capitalizing references to me in her text messages, and the last time we had dinner she did her hair in a way that I’d like (maybe it’s just my imagination, though).  This is good because, as previously stated, I don’t get hints very well.  I gave her a glimpse into what it’s like to be with someone who is poly play and poly sexual.  I brought a newbie to the dungeon and had Indie sit outside the door of the room where I played with and fucked the newbie.  It wasn’t intended as a punishment to make her hear it all, but I wanted to drive the point home that this is the reality of being with me.  She didn’t like it, but she understood the point.  I enjoy her company, appreciate her support, and I love her service, but there are several factors that have me keeping Indie at half-arm’s distance right now.  Firstly, it’s just too soon after my breakup.  I’m not in a place to give a relationship its proper attention and respect.  I don’t want Indie to be the rebound, she doesn’t deserve that.  Secondly, she has needs that I can’t meet.  We’ve discussed them and I don’t want her to compromise her needs.  That will just lead to resentment down the road.  Lastly, I have needs that she’s not entirely comfortable with.  I need someone to be into my needs and who wants to do certain things, too.  If she’s only doing them to make me happy, that will also lead to resentment.  If I tell a girl something I need and she cringes a bit, that’s not a good sign.  It’s a dilemma for sure.  I like her a lot and I appreciate her.  I’m not doing anything to be mean.  I’m trying to help her make the most informed decision possible because I care for her.

I hooked up with a hair stylist from Fullerton, which is a college town not too far from me.  She’s fun and crazy in the bedroom, but not relationship material at all.  She has some kink to her, but she’s not into any heavy impact play.  Before we hooked up the first time, she warned me that she’s a squirter.  Holy shit, she wasn’t lying.  I’ve never seen so much fluid come from another human being in my life.  There were literally puddles on the bed and on the floor.  She’s fun, but she’ll run her course fairly quickly.

The newbie that I mentioned earlier was ok.  She’s a bit on the annoying side as far as personality.  Oddly enough, she messaged me the other day and said she had a friend that needed an ass beating and would I be interested in doling out the beat down.  Wow!  Apparently I’ve got a recruiter now and she’s giving references and everything.  Maybe I should see if she can write a letter of recommendation on her submissive letterhead.

I got an email from a girl in San Digeo that simply read, “Please forgive me if this is too forward, but i think i’d like to get to know You.”  Wait, what?  She’s super cute and I want to do terrible things to her.  In just a few conversations, some red flags have come up, so I don’t think there’s anything more than a play date in store.  I had friends tell me that the girls would come calling once they knew I was single, but I honestly didn’t believe them.  There’s another girl in San Diego that I have played with and had sex with previously and she’s interested in hooking up again.  She’s very cool, extremely service oriented, and she was also supportive during the breakup.  Sadly, she and I aren’t compatible on a D/s level, so we’ll stay as friends and play mates for now.

A girl in the Sacramento area also hit me up and drove down here for my event.  We met briefly and I’ve enjoyed talking to her and getting to know her a bit.  She’s planning another trip down here in a month and we’ll see what happens there.

I’m just going to embrace the single life…for now.  I enjoy being in a relationship and I miss the companionship that it brings, but I still have some healing to do.  Indie has been great to hang out with and she’s providing some of that companionship.  The time will soon come when it feels right and when I feel like I can give a relationship my all.  At least Christmas will be cheaper for me this year 😉

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