This blog is a part of my informal continuing series which I call “not all kink all the time”. I’m pretty sure that the common perception of someone who lives BDSM 24/7 is not accurate. I don’t lead my slave around on a leash everywhere we go, nor do I have a gimp stored in a box in the basement a la Pulp Fiction. I live in Southern California, we don’t have basements. The gimp wanders the orange grove in my backyard and spends his days making granola when he’s not giving surfing lessons. Duh!
This past Friday night we went to our favorite dungeon. I’ll admit that last sentence doesn’t sound like it will support my “not all kink all the time” point, but stick with me. This particular dungeon has a large area outside for socializing. There are a couple of propane-powered fire tables with soft leather chairs surrounding them, there’s a wood fire pit also surrounded by chairs (these of the metal variety), an outdoor fridge houses soda and water, and there’s a kitchen with veggies, dip, cookies, candy, crackers, cheese, and chili. I sat and smoked a cigar as I talked with friends. We joked and had some laughs, but we talked about a few serious things as well. My slave was with me and the submissive who inspired me to start blogging was there, too. She lives about 20 minutes from me, so we stopped on the way and gave her a ride, doing our part to reduce our carbon footprint by carpooling. Actually, I don’t give a shit about my carbon footprint, it was just to save gas money. Another submissive that I have played with came up from San Diego to hang out. That’s a long drive to hang out at a dungeon, but I’m pretty awesome so I’m sure it was worth it. I’m kidding, of course. There are no dungeons in San Diego, so she made the trek up to LA. I met a few new people, but I’m actually kind of shy, so I didn’t talk with them.
My point is that I didn’t set foot inside any of the play rooms. I didn’t watch any scenes and I didn’t lay a hand (or foot) on anyone. Even though I was at a dungeon, I didn’t do anything kinky. While my power exchange dynamic never turns off, my slave and I aren’t overtly kinky all the time. People that are into BDSM are regular folks and, most of the time, you wouldn’t be able to tell us apart from vanilla people. We have friends, we socialize, we talk about current issues, and so on. As I go through the list of people I know in this lifestyle, the diversity is amazing. I know a lawyer, a doctor, a professor, a stand-up comedian, an actor, a TV studio executive, an editor, an engineer, an auto mechanic, hair stylists, teachers, a waiter, an IT guy, photographers, housewives, and students. I know people who live paycheck to paycheck, people who live comfortable middle-class lives, and people who are literally millionaires. Our community is full of psychologically and sexually healthy individuals. We’re not the freaky monsters we’re portrayed to be in most movies and TV shows that address BDSM and we’re definitely not all kink all the time.