Going To SoCal

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people in other states tell me that they’re “going on a vacation to Southern California”.  When I ask what city, they say “All of it.  We’ll be there for a whole week so we should be able to see it all.”  Let me put that in perspective for you.  That’s basically the equivalent of me saying that I’m going to check out the entire state of Kansas for vacation.  Of course, with the added fact that Southern California has about a gazillion times more things to do than Kansas.

It’s understandable that people from smaller states with nothing to do but watch corn grow and tip over cows wouldn’t have a concept of what it’s like to be here.  I also need to remind myself of how spoiled I am to live in such a place.  I think when you say SoCal to most people in the country, they think of LA.  The fact of the matter is that SoCal is approximately 450 miles x 240 miles.  We have about seven dungeons just in LA County and Orange County, whereas I’ve been to places like Seattle and New Orleans that have only one dungeon.  Some places that I thought would be rife with naughtiness, like Las Vegas, have zero dungeons (I don’t count a cheesy little space inside of a swinger’s club as a dungeon, sorry Vegas).

If you want to come to SoCal on a vacation, I’d advise you to pick a county or two and concentrate on those.  If you’re doing the amusement park thing, expect lines.  There’s a reason Disneyland sells 5-day passes.  If you expect to ride everything in Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure and see all the shows/parades, you’ll need three days, minimum.  That’s half your vacation spent in one city.  Universal Studios, one day; San Diego’s Sea World, one day; San Diego Zoo, one day; Hollywood, one day.  That’s not counting Knott’s Berry Farm, Six Flags Magic Mountain, or any of the beautiful beaches here and those are only things in three counties.  There are deserts to explore, mountains to enjoy, and vast farm country to drive through.  You get my point.

“Going to SoCal” is great if you get four weeks of vacation time each year.  Chances are, however, that you’re from the United States and we kind of get fucked here.  Number of days of vacation that the government requires workers receive in the US: Zero.  The average American gets 13 days of vacation.  For comparison’s sake, on the other end of the spectrum is Italy.  Their government requires workers get 20 vacation days and the average Italian gets 42 days off per year.  That’s right kids.  We get 2 1/2 weeks off, on average, and they get over two fucking months off!  For you non-math-wiz-kids: 5 days per work week = 20 work days per month, hence 42 days = 2 months and 2 days.

I digress.  Tell people you’re going to LA or San Diego or Orange County (don’t call it “The OC” or you’ll likely get punched in the throat by a local).  Stop saying you’re going to SoCal for vacation; you’re driving me up a fucking wall with that shit.


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