Creep On Over To The Mortuary

My slave was talking about music with her brother today and she told him a story of my past.  It’s a funny story, so I thought I would share it with you.  When I was in high school, none of the popular music of that time appealed to me.  I was drawn to punk and hardcore.  Bands like Minor Threat, Gorilla Biscuits, The Cramps, The Germs, Stormtroopers of Death, and Youth of Today all resonated with me.  One summer, a friend of mine made a mix tape for me.  Yes, I’m old enough to have had cassette tapes.  One song, in particular, stood out as my favorite on that tape.  It was a song called “Code Blue” by a band named TSOL (short for True Sounds of Liberty).  I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but one day my mom and I were home alone and I proceeded to play the song for her on the family stereo.  I sat there and sang along to the lyrics:

I never got along with the girls at my school
Filling me up with all their morals and their rules
They’d pile all their problems on my head
I’d rather go out and fuck the dead

‘Cause I can do what I want
And they won’t complain
I wanna fuck, I wanna fuck the dead

Middle of the night so silently
I creep on over to the mortuary
Lift up the casket and fiddle with the dead
Their cold blue flesh makes me turn red

Do what I want
And they won’t complain
I wanna fuck, I wanna fuck the dead

And I don’t even care how she died
But I like it better
If she smells of formaldehyde

Never on the rag or say leave me alone
They don’t scream and they don’t moan
Don’t even cry if I shoot in their hair
Lying on the table she smiles and she stares

‘Cause I can do what I want
And they won’t complain
I wanna fuck, I wanna fuck the dead

For the record, no I didn’t want to have sex with dead bodies then and I still don’t.  As you can imagine, mom was not too pleased.  She told me to erase the song and then play back the dead air to prove I had erased it.  Of course, I erased the next song and played that back, but I kept Code Blue.  I still have that cassette to this day.  I got grounded and my dad was informed of my shenanigans.  What followed was the awkward, but obligatory, conversation with dad asking if I had any urges to do the things in the song.  “No, dad, it’s just a funny song.”  I left out the part, “but I do get a boner when watching rape scenes in movies”.

Later that summer, I convinced my mom to buy me a t-shirt.  It looked very similar to the one pictured below.  Then, when the school year came around, I wore the shirt in my school photo.  HAHAHAHA…what a dick I was.



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